Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Human Bite: Zombies in the ER?

'Human bite,' this was the chief complaint of the patient as per the ER board. My shift ended but I was not missing out on this. I stayed behind to accompany my fellow student, Zoey, to the patient. We were both damn curious about this bite. We walk over the bed, pulled the curtains, and there was a young couple with their toddler. The bite stared as us: it was large, but thankfully superficial, over the jugular. It was also couple with claw marks over the eyes. 'Crap,' I thought, 'We should make the run to mall now?'

It is just Walmart on a Saturday night

I asked, “So, that's a hell of a hicky there.” Thankfully, the couple chuckled and told their story. And it was a bit more terrifying than overexcited kinkiness or zombie hordes.

Apparently, the couple was walk home with their toddler when the boyfriend was approached by his baby mama. Oh do not worry, this baby mama came before the girlfriend. The boyfriend and baby mama argued over why he was not seeing their daughter for the weekend. Finally, the baby mama had enough and leaped at the girlfriend. Grabbing the girlfriend's hair, the baby mama threw her to the ground and jumped on top. The baby mama tried to gouge out her eyeballs. When that did not work, she went down and bit her neck.

Then the boyfriend interrupted his girlfriend and asked Zoey, “Are you wearing makeup?” I turned away to make sure no one saw my jaw hit the ground. “Because your skin so smooth and beautiful!” I had excused myself by stating, “I needed to see a patient with, uh...elephantitis.” I waited outside. Zoey came out with spaced away from her body, gesturing the need for a shower. I asked, “So, interested in being number three?” I'll let you imagine her reaction.

Pretty much a sexier summary

So, why was this story scarier than a zombie horde? Think about it. In front of the toddler, the baby mama tried to rip out the eyeballs and throat of mommy. Think Bambi on screen. The whole fight kicked off with the opinion of one parent being shitty at the job. The main point for most zombie types, there is no choice in becoming mindless. Once the bite is there, you descend without a choice. The baby mama chose to become a mindless, flesh-seeking monster flying at the face of hypocrisy.

And the boyfriend amplifies the horror further. Sure it is funny but let's think about it further. He just witness a beat down, probably jealousy related, that sent his girlfriend to the ER. Now, he makes a flirtatious comment? Little inappropriate is an understatement. Best part: the girlfriend just accepted it and made no 'correction' of it. Fast forward that toddler's future and tell me what you see. Sure, you can deny it is a innocent compliment. Just as Shaun did not realize the zombies sooner.

Posted by Richabob

1 comment:


    This was great!!! I sooooo needed that!!!