Does the Steam Box Confuse Anyone Else?

I don’t understand the Steam Machines. I know I can’t be the only one, but for some reason this annoys me. Not the Steam Machine; the total confusion. The root of my problem is, ‘who are they for, why do they need to exist, and what new aspects to gaming they will bring about?’. I’m just at a total loss.

I'm going to sit here until someone explains it to me

When I first heard about the Steam Machine rumors, I couldn’t help but laugh. I knew Valve made a ton of money from Steam, but why they would make a box built around that platform was mind boggling. I just chalked it off to fan rumors used to explain the total lack of new Half Life.

But time when on, and the rumors picked up steam. Then one day I saw the concept for a goofy looking controller that looks about as comfortable as a colonoscopy and I was like, there is no way this can be real. However, Valve admitted that they were partnering with other companies to make the box(s) with said controllers previously shown. 

This can't feel good

 So at first I expected one or two boxes; an entry level machine and a top of the line box that does everything including making pancakes. But for some reason I got 13 boxes. Made by different companies. With different specs. Different prices. Different designs (one that even rips off the PS4). And I was like ‘What!?’ And Gabe was like ‘What?’ And I said ‘Huh? What are you doing?’ And Gabe said ‘Not making Half Life 3’. So I tried to read the specs of the boxes, which turned out to be pointless because not only are they quite different, but some companies haven’t even finalized what’s in the boxes, and I don’t have time to read through 13 different specs that will change. So I gave up, believing that the Steam Machine is not for me.

The PS4... I mean Steam Box

But why not? Why should I give up? This should be right up my alley. A box dedicated to the Steam-verse and all the great things it offers. I should be all over this. It’s like a PC with a console interface. And that’s when it hit me. It is a PC with a controller. I have a PC. And I could buy a controller for it if I wanted to. In fact, everyone who has a Steam account has a PC, and I’m sure that some have controllers too. If I wanted to play using Steam, I could have done so for years. So why is Valve making boxes now?

The answer to that question was the Steam OS. Like any other OS made by any other company, it’s supposed to be the ‘be all end all’ OS. Great! So why can’t I just buy the OS from Valve and use that instead of Windows from now onwards? I could install it on my PC, get the Valve controller (or plug in my PS4 controller) and call it a day. Why do I have to shell out up to $6000 for a Steam dedicated box? I just don’t get it. Why Valve. Just tell me why?

Valve, now might be a good time remember the story of Icarus

I’m confused, frustrated, and feeling like an old man. I’m way outta my element with this whole concept. I’ve tried reading about it. I’ve watched videos were smart people discuss the machines, but none of it makes sense to me. I’m at a loss. I don’t use Steam, and unless the PlayStation brand goes away permanently, I don’t really see myself using Steam anytime soon. I don’t get it, or why Valve is doing it, and I have to come to terms with the fact that like Sex in the City, I will probably never understand what the hell is going on. I’m rising a white flag of stupidity. Valve, go easy on me. And please, for the love of God, just tell me if you have given up on the Half Life franchise. I won’t care if you have. It’s the not knowing that hurts.

This man feeds on your tears